Let Me: Where the Real Power Lives

Why Mel Robbins’ Let Them Hits Close — But Not Quite Home

I’ve been in a committed relationship with overalls for years. Overalls have been and will always be part of my wardrobe:)

The Real Story Behind This Post

I started writing this blog post earlier this year while reading, “The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins. If you haven’t read it, it’s a fresh take on the familiar concept that we can’t control the behaviors of others, but we can control the way we respond. When people act rude, judgmental, dismissive, or just plain pathetic—let them. Don’t change who you are in an attempt to make them more comfortable.

There were two reasons I started this blog post:

Reason #1:

I kept wondering why the book was called “The Let Them Theory” and wasn’t titled “Let ME & Screw THEM!” Just kidding. I kept wondering why it wasn’t titled “Let Them…Be Witches.” In all seriousness, I wondered why it wasn’t titled, “The Let ME Theory.” That’s the other part of the equation that Mel writes about, the more important part - way more than half of the equation. Let Me! Let ME is the portion of the equation that is stronger and so liberating - Let ME! That’s where the shift happens. That’s where our power actually lies.

Reason #2:

When I read self-help and personal growth books, I often use them to create journal prompts. This book sparked some serious self-awareness and brought up old (and recent) encounters that reminded me how far I’ve come especially when it comes to responding instead of reacting. It also painfully brought attention to moments of regression and helped me identify where I still have lots of room to grow.

There was a recent "let them" encounter last summer that my mind continually revisited. It was an encounter with an interesting (by interesting, I mean insecure) group of women in a restaurant. It takes me a long time to write a blog post because "what if I forgot something or I should have written it this way or said this," so I rewrite and revise over and over and then end up getting another idea and start a different post I don't finish (ADHD- also why I’m rambling right now). Anyway, point is, I stopped writing it.

BUT then we were on vacation in April (and wouldn't you know it), I had yet another interesting encounter with another interesting (and by interesting, I mean petty) group of women. At that point, I couldn’t ignore it. The universe was clearly nudging me to finish writing this. It made me think about how often people project their insecurities onto others and how, over time, I’ve learned to stop absorbing that energy and just… Let Me.

This post is for the women out there who have been a target, excluded, or mocked. Keep showing up with a soft heart and strong voice, grace and grit, compassion and confidence.

And THANK YOU! Your presence speaks volumes. Don’t dim it for those who are still at war with themselves and who haven’t yet made peace with their own reflection. We need you!

August 2024

Sioux Falls, South Dakota

Have you ever rubbed someone the wrong way just by existing? Turns out existing peacefully, joyfully, and confidently can shove some people right out of their comfort zone. Some people’s comfort zone is misery, and misery does indeed love company. Allow me to share about my run in with the Sioux Falls Fashion Police:

There I was on a warm, beautiful sunshiny day minding my business, living my most functional and comfortable life. I was standing in a busy line waiting to place my order when I discovered I was the centerpiece of a roast session that no one invited me to (well, maybe they were inviting me in passive aggressive kind of way).

“Overalls should NOT be worn by anyone over the age of 3.”

Laughter.

I glanced over to find a table of women who I had never met before.

I grabbed my order and scanned the restaurant for my party of one. There were a handful of places open, but I wanted a front row seat to the circus. I sat down at the table right next to theirs and gave them a friendly smile while doing so. They seemed a bit surprised. As I'm putting my Air Pods in, I hear:

”And aren’t cross body bags for teens?”

That was the last I heard before enjoying my audiobook and salad in peace. I finished up my lunch and headed back to the counter to purchase a few gift cards for some very new special acquaintances. I had never met real life fashion police before so to say I was excited was an understatement. Anyway, I strapped my fanny pack on the way God intended - around my waist!

(Quick Side note: It will always be a fanny pack to me. I have never retired this icon of an accessory due to it’s incredible every day and travel functionality. I’m sure my college friend, Seth (not my husband, but him too actually), would be more than happy to confirm my loyalty to the fanny pack. And as you can see in my post image, my love for overalls goes back to childhood. And my husband, Seth, could confirm overalls were a staple of mine during our college years.

Me (smiling): Hi ladies! How are we doing today?

Crickets. Blink. Blink. A forced “Hi.”

Me: “I just wanted to spread a little kindness today. (I handed out a gift card to each of them. Locked eyes with the cult leader.) Keep it for yourself, or maybe pay it forward. Either way—have a great day!”

There were a couple speechless looks and one smug one. I gave one last smile and a little wave and turned to exit. And by some freakin miracle I didn’t turn around and bump into someone, I didn’t trip, and I didn’t walk into the window thinking it was the door! Thank you, God! 🙏🏼😅

April 2025 - Antigua

Different faces, same vibe.

There I was on a warm, beautiful sunshiny day minding my own damn business again, perusing the resort gift shop when I heard a woman from across the room say cheerily, “Hello!” Naturally, I respond with a smile and a “hello” back. I look up to see a group of three women entering the store. The one who greeted me turns to her friend and says with a giggle,

“Oh whoops. I thought she worked here.” They all laugh.

Could it have been an honest mistake? (Shrug) Sure, I guess… if you overlook the fact that I was wearing sheer flowy beach pants, a crop top, flip flops, and a wide-brimmed hat. Oh—and I don’t look Antiguan.

I wasn’t offended. I’ve got nothing but respect for all of us who do honest work to survive—especially the ones who have to smile through shit like that on the daily.

But let’s be real: it wasn’t a compliment, and it most likely wasn’t an honest mistake. This is an example of how microaggressions and passive-aggressive jabs get passed off as “innocent mistakes.” It reminded me how quickly some people reveal who they are and not necessarily through what they say outright, but through little petty ways they try to make others feel.

It was a small resort so we saw a lot of each other. I overheard many of their loud conversations which only confirmed that my read on the gift shop situation was accurate. I made it a point to walk by them slowly on my way to the beach bar, make intense eye contact, and greet them with a smile and verbal pleasantry every chance I got;) Oh! And guess who was wearing the hat from the gift shop that looked almost identical to mine?

Back It Up

Let’s rewind for a second and revisit my run in with the Sioux Falls Fashion Police. I didn’t speak up that day for myself. I didn't care what they thought about my outfit. I'm a 44-year-old lady who wears Jordans and started wearing a thong bikini at the age of 41 (and not because I think it looks good; just because I got tired of having a super white bum and quit caring what people were going to think of my cellulite and stretch marks).

I could’ve shrugged it off like I usually do, but people who know me well know I don’t always have it in me to let shitty behavior slide. For the last few years cruelty seems to be trending. It's disheartening. I just decided rudeness wasn't going get a free pass that day. And maybe, just maybe🤞🏼, next time they’ll think twice before making someone else their target. Especially someone who may be having a really bad day, struggles with mental health issues, or someone who simply hasn’t found their voice yet.

Younger, Less Seasoned Lindsay

Here’s some full vulnerable disclosure for you. There was a time when I would’ve handled judgmental behavior like that differently. I coped by telling myself they were envious. I had something they wanted. That’s what family and friends (people who loved me and meant well) would tell me to protect my feelings and self-esteem.

I’d be confused when someone made fun of something I wore, only to show up in the exact same outfit a week later. My mom (total Mama Bear and my biggest fan) would say in her sweet mom-wisdom voice:

“Sweetheart, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. They just want to be like you.”

Growth (and therapy) taught me something deeper. Emotional and mental strength isn’t about feeling superior. It’s about having the compassion to recognize that unkindness is often just insecurity in disguise. Cruelty is a shield for someone with internal struggles.

I’ve been described as “intense” or “a strong personality.” I also have a big heart, so I haven’t always known how to advocate in a calm, collected way. But guess what I've learned?!

You can stand up for yourself and others with

grace and grit,

compassion and confidence,

softness and strength!

Present, More Seasoned Lindsay

For many years of my life, I was committing something called the fundamental attribution error. This is the tendency to assume that someone’s bad behavior is a reflection of their character, rather than their circumstances. The truth is, unkindness isn’t always rooted in envy. Most likely, it’s:

Insecurity. Sadness. Pain. Unhealed trauma.

We usually have at least some understanding of what shapes our own moods and motivations, but we rarely know what’s going on beneath the surface for someone else. That being said, it doesn't mean you should excuse bad behavior. I definitely used to with reasons like "she didn't have a good relationship with her mom/dad," "they've been through a lot," "she was probably just trying to get a laugh," etc. But, here's the truth:

Compassion is far more powerful than superiority.

You can have compassion for someone and at the same time have clear boundaries and hold them accountable for their actions. I chose not to match their energy. Instead, I redirected it. I let them be who they are. And I Let ME be who I’m still becoming. It’s work in progress. I still get triggered. I still have moments when I give rude, unkind people a taste of their own medicine and stoop to their level or over-explain or try to make them see me.

I try to remind myself to choose my battles though and ask myself: Is this really worth my energy? My peace?

Most of the time, it’s not. The quiet decision to let it go or to handle it with grace feels like the real win. I don’t want to prove anything to anyone who’s committed to misunderstanding me. I want to Let ME decide what kind of person I want to be in the moment. I don’t want to trade energy with people who are still at war with themselves. And that, more than anything, is where the power lives- me. Let ME. It’s still a work in progress—but it’s the kind of progress that feels like peace. And at this point in my life, I’ll take peace over petty any day.

So, let them gossip. Let them judge. Let them misunderstand you.

And, let you choose what stays, what goes, and what defines YOU.